Literally, Not Metaphorically
by AstraiaH
Summary: This happened after Sandbusted, before Dawn of Destruction. While in a battle against dragon hunters, Astrid blocked an arrow for Hiccup and lost a lot of blood. Hiccup was worried sick and took care of his betrothed full-time. Angst( I suppose). Also a lot of fluff.
1. Hang on

Chapter 1

'I will never get tired of this. I am telling you!' shouted Tuffnut as Belch sparked up and successfully firewalled a couple of dragon hunters.

'Can't agree more, bro!' replied Ruffnut, obviously pleased with the blast.

The twins were having fun, not really bothered by the situation they were stuck in. Toothless' tailfin got burnt by a fire arrow and Hiccup was surrounded by a group of hunters, with only his Inferno in hand. Toothless narrowed his eyes, building a plasma blast in his throat. The hunters looked a little scared of the dragon so they redirected their aim at Hiccup. Snotlout and Fishlegs were held up in a fight a hundred yards away, their dragons spitting fire and lava at their targets. But the hunters just kept pouring in.

'I mean how many dragon root arrows do they actually have in stock? Are they ever gonna use up that thing!' cursed Snotlout after an arrow shot past, grazing his shoulder armor hot.' That was way too close!'

'I wish! But at least I don't need to worry about my Meatlug.' Fishlegs tried to stay positive but couldn't deny he was getting a little panicked by the apparently outnumbered situation.

Suddenly Hookfang's body flames were distinguished by a dragon root arrow, followed by Snotlout's high-pitched scream. 'Oh no! Hookie! ' he turned to shout at Fishlegs, 'Really? For Thor's sake! You jinxing mouth!'

Fishlegs was totally overwhelmed. ' I'm sorry! Like I would love to face these guys with one dragon down! Meatlug is running out of her lava too! Just try and keep them busy to buy the others some time!'

Hiccup was dealing with three hunters. Compared with them, Hiccup was smaller but that also made him more agile, so it was not that hard to battle with all of them. Plus these hunters didn't seem to realize how important strategies were. They were simply just fans of reckless, brainless violence. Hiccup sometimes felt sorry for them.

He had just knocked down one hunter when he noticed Fishlegs and Snotlout who was torn between a rock and a hard place. Toothless fired a blast towards a few hunters and sent them flying backward. When they hit the rocks and fell from the cliff, he let out one last warning growl before turned back to Hiccup. When Toothless saw his friend, he immediately started running and tried to help.

'No, bud. I'm good. Go help the others. Go! Don't worry about me!' Hiccup saw his dragon and shouted.

Toothless couldn't seem to believe it. He hesitated for a moment but gave in, seeing Hiccup's stern face. The dragon sighed and charged towards their friends.

Astrid was in the sky with the twins trying to sink Krogan's ships. The boulders and bolts fired from below were relentless, but the twins still seemed to be having a lot of fun dodging them and firing back. What a miracle, thought Astrid. She just warded off a couple of arrows coming her way when a boulder came flying towards her. Luckily It looked like the boulder loved her axe more. It knocked her axe out of her hand, nearly sending her off her saddle as well. She grabbed the handles just in time to avoid falling into the ocean and being captured. That axe was Hiccup 's Snoggletogg present for her. She cherished it so much she even put it under her pillow. It was never just a weapon. And now she was officially pissed off.

She was just about to ask Stormfly to attack with all she got when she saw Hiccup battling the two hunters...and another in the bush around the cliff! He aimed an arrow at Hiccup! He strung the bow! The arrow was shot! Astrid's eyes widened in fear. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Her first instinct was to fly as fast as she could to Hiccup. The arrows flying in her direction didn't matter anymore. She didn't feel or hear anything. All she saw was that damn arrow flying towards her Hiccup. She couldn't even feel her body. It was too numb and rigid to be there. Her heart was pounding madly, threatening to leap out of her throat. Her stomach felt as if it was turned upside down and the air in her lungs suddenly got sucked out. Fear, her old friend, caught her again. It was never like she never feared. On the contrary, she got scared, too. Maybe sometimes more than her friends would. But that never bothered her by the slightest. She got such talent in concealing it, more importantly, analyzing it, digging deep, looking for the cause with the coolest mind, facing it, charging towards it, killing it. That was why she was always confident and cool. She could do anything. She got everything under control. She would always find a way to deal with whatever life threw at her.

But not this time she was sure. Definitely not this time. She felt that she was losing control of the situation.

_I am nearer than that hunter is. I should be. He is behind Hiccup alright, but he's around the cliff. That should cost the arrow more time to reach its target._

_I'm on this side. I can go straight to him!... Right?_ Astrid thought fast. So fast she couldn't even believe it herself.

A thought flashed through her mind and it freaked her out. What if he...No! She forbade herself to think that way. _He's gonna be fine. He always is. He's the guy with what seems like nine lives!_ I Won't let anything happen to him. But she wasn't so sure of it herself. The comfort she tried to give herself only made everything worse. She had never, ever been this scared all her life. Her mind was racing like crazy. Now the only logical thing to do was getting to Hiccup before the arrow did.

Stormfly was racing at her best. Astrid felt as if she was riding Toothless instead. Things were still in slow motion. She watched as the arrow went nearer and nearer to Hiccup. But not yet, not yet. She still got a chance. She could make it. She would be there. Adrenaline rushed through her. Blood was pumping around her brain. The ground was getting nearer. Faster! Faster! She heard herself yelling.

_Hang on there. I'm coming._

Before Stormfly completely landed, Astrid jumped off. The arrow was heading towards Hiccup's heart. She was only about ten feet away from Hiccup's back. He was still busy with the hunters and couldn't see her coming. She really was too fast to be noticed by anyone. She felt herself rushing to Hiccup like a lightning bolt. Now was not the right time to think of a better plan. She reached there, turned around, spread her arms and saw that arrow reach her right shoulder, pierce it and stick out on the back.

The slow-motion stopped. The sounds and feelings were back. A sharp, burning, enormous pain devoured her. For a second she completely went blind. She even forgot how to scream and she thanked Thor for it. She would never want to do that in front of Hiccup. Blood gushed from the wound, running down her shirt in small streams. Half of her blue shirt turned crimson at a speed she couldn't slow down. She tried her best to keep herself standing and balanced. It was never this hard. All her strength was sucked out. She was exhausted from all this pain. She tried, but she just couldn't manage it.

Astrid 's vision was getting blurred and foggy. She slowly slumped back and muffled a quiet moan. The last thing she saw was Stormfly grabbing the terrified hunter who shot the arrow and throwing him down the cliff.


	2. To the edge

Hiccup thought he heard something but he was partly sure it was just an illusion. Still, it gave him a really bad feeling he couldn't explain. It was like how a paranoid who happened to be forgetful and couldn't remember if he really had locked the door of his house would feel. When he finished with the two he felt something slump against him. For a fraction of a second, he had a choking feeling that stretched his heart in two opposite directions. He spun around, expecting to see another dragon hunter swinging a mace at his head, Inferno held high, but instead of a hunter with a mace, he saw a blood-soaked Astrid with an arrow sticking out of her back.

Not the scene he'd expect to see at all. Not anything he'd ever want to see at all.

Hiccup's blood froze. It dawned on him what had happened. Fear filled his veins at once. He dropped his sword as if he'd been struck by a mace. The back of his head felt punched by an invisible hand so hard that it took a second for him to feel that raw, stinging, unbearable pain right in his heart. He caught Astrid, careful not to touch her right shoulder. That must have been some great vessel. His knees were suddenly too weak to carry his weight.

'Astrid, Astrid! Look at me! It's me.It's Hiccup.Talk to me!' Hiccup shook her desperately gently, afraid that he might break her like a china doll. Half of her body was wet with blood. She was cold and slippery under the coat of warm blood. Hiccup felt hopeless. She didn't show any sign of response.

'Astrid, please! Just look at me! Please, Astrid!' Tears were welling up in his eyes. There was a huge lump in his throat preventing him from breathing.

_Oh gods. Oh, gods. Tell me it's a dream._

Sure Astrid had almost died a few times before, but she was never this close to Valhalla. Her pulse was strangely uneven. Her breath was shallow. She was never fading this quick. Stormfly rushed over. When she saw Astrid, she tried to lower her head and nuzzle her arm like she always did but Hiccup stopped her.

'No, Stormfly! Calm down. She's bleeding.' Stormfly cocked her head in shock and backed off, chirping worriedly.

_But I'm never gonna let you go. I won't let anything happen to you. _Hiccup swore to himself. However, he wasn't even sure this time. He couldn't tell who he was trying to reassure, Astrid or himself. Time was squeezed to a blink of an eye, too short for Hiccup to have enough confidence to catch. He was racing against it. He gathered Astrid in his arms and shouted for Toothless.

There was a fit of 'oy oy oy' which indicated that Snotlout and Fishlegs were out of trouble. Toothless heard Hiccup's voice pricked up his ears and recognized the anxiety in the tone at once. He turned and when he saw Astrid, he growled in shock and started running.

'Toothless, wait!What's...Oh Thor!' Fishlegs noticed where the dragon was going.He turned around and gasped in horror.

'What's wrong this time! I'm so sick of these hunters...Oh my!' Snotlout complained loudly but froze as well before finally felt his legs moving. They rushed to Hiccup who was holding Astrid in despair.

'What happened?' Fishlegs panted.

'I'll explain on the way. Now I need to get her back to the edge.' Hiccup tried to steady his shaky breath. He got on his saddle as gently as he could with Astrid in his arms and took off, the other two following him fast.

They were now literally racing to the edge. Stormfly was flying alone without a rider, which kept reminding them of a terrifying possibility. It didn't help with the atmosphere at all. No one talked. No one dared to. No one wanted to. The wind kept slapping their faces, creating a suffocating dome around them.

'That was one Thorston blast! That was totally cool! And they ran off like little rats full of moldy cheese... I don't know if they really fart but who cares? Right, sis?' An excited Barf and Belch were coming their way, with two even more exciting riders.

'Yeah, ' Ruffnut laughed, 'Guys, you have no idea how...Hey! At least wait for us a bit!' Noticing their friends were speeding and didn't seem to slow down at all, the zippleback sped up as well.

'Guys, wait-ARGH! What happened?' Tuffnut was nearly thrown off the saddle when he got close enough to see Astrid, finally breaking the dome.

'Astrid took an arrow to the shoulder for me. I...I think it was a great vessel...She keeps bleeding.' There was something that kept trying to strangle Hiccup. It could be the wind or the lump in his throat that no matter how hard he tried he couldn't swallow. Or could be both. He stared at the front, afraid to find any grief, perplexity or blame in any of his friends' eyes.

Tuffnut looked like he was about to faint. He was out of breath like a fish out of water.

'Oh Thor! Oh Thor! Astrid...she...Oh my goodness nobody has ever prepared me for this! What do I do? What do I do?' He drew in a sharp breath, suddenly whispering,'Is she gonna be okay? Is she...Is she gonna...die?' The last word was barely audible but Hiccup shuddered at it. Ruffnut's eyes shot daggers at her brother which silenced him at once.

'I... I don't know...I'm sorry. This is all my...my fault... I should've seen her coming but I was stuck in that ...stupid fight...At least I could...shove her out of the way..but I just...just didn't !'Finally Hiccup was no longer able to hold himself together. He choked on his own tears, breaking down in the violent winds that gnawed at his heart. A bleak hole appeared somewhere in his soul, drawing his whole world in.

The crew fell in silence again, absolutely shocked by their leader. Whatever happened before, they never saw him cry. Panicked? Worried? Out of ideas? Sure. But cried? Never.

Astrid couldn't see anything. It was just darkness, endless but calming darkness. She couldn't feel anything. Not her body. Nor the pain. She felt nothing. She hadn't felt this relaxed for long. This mattress of soft darkness was so comfortable. She could lie here forever, and be infinite. That sounded so good.

No, wait. She thought she heard something.

Was it in my mind?... Do I even have a mind?

But there is something. At least I think so.

Faint. Vague. Unstable. But definitely exists.

All of a sudden Astrid saw a tiny star. It was struggling against this endless darkness which its light got constantly swallowed by. But it was always there, trying so hard to break free. And every time it shone, Astrid heard a voice. It grew louder and louder until--

_Hiccup!_

Astrid's mind came into a sharp focus.

_It's Hiccup. My Hiccup! And that's my name he's calling!_

_Thank Thor I'm not dying. I'm not ready to leave him alone yet._

That star was gradually getting brighter and bigger. The moment Astrid tried to reach out to it a white-hot pain hit her on the right shoulder, paralyzing her.

_Oh, right._ Astrid remembered what had happened. _He was not hurt, right? But who knows? It only means he isn't dead. Good enough but is he alright? Like __alright alright, not 'don't worry It's nothing ' alright. He does best telling such lies._

_Ugh. Stupid stableboy. I gotta check. I'm not leaving him. Forget about infinity. I want to be limited, by that stupid stableboy and his sweet, awkward love._

Astrid smiled. She tried again. That pain hit her again. It was almost like her shoulder was catching fire.

_Son of a half-troll._

Her scream was ground to dust between her teeth. It was almost there. The star came closer and the fire blazed even more. The pain in her right arm kept building up. If she had a choice, she would rather have let a thousand yaks run all day on her body than had this. She squeezed her eyes shut. She bit her lips so hard that she started to suspect if they had started bleeding. Almost there. Just a little more. Astrid put all her left strength into her burning arm and stretched it one last time.

The star burst into a blinding white light. It was running and flowing until it completely buried the dark. It was like her arm got chewed on by a screaming death. It was too much for her to hold inside. A pained cry finally tore the blinding white and Astrid was sure she saw it, the world she couldn't let go of, even though it was all blurry and out of focus. But yeah, finally, this was it.

Astrid felt her whole body again. It was no longer light and floating and relaxed. It was cold, rigid, heavy, weak and full of pain. The wind was stealing her body heat fast. But soothing warmth kept radiating from the other side, creating a cradle for her to stay in. A sweetly familiar smell of mixed old leather and newly-made soap surrounded her.

Her vision became clear gradually. She was flying. A tousled, auburn-haired head appeared in her view. Her Hiccup was crying. Astrid had never seen that before. His tears dropped on her stomach, leaving a bunch of warm little spots that grew cold in the wind. He couldn't even seem to be able to breathe properly. Worry and fear exploded in her chest.

_What happened? Is everyone okay? Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?_

Astrid reached out to touch his cheek. That same burning sensation was back again. She even came to think if anyone just shot an arrow through her right arm. She gasped, dropping her hand.

Hiccup hung his head. Tears were streaming down his face. He didn't want to see anything. He didn't dare to look at any of his friends. Breathing was such a hard thing to do. Where had his lungs been?

Something moved. He heard a gasp. A strong electrical wave washed through him. He looked up almost insanely. Astrid's eyes were filled with pain but they were open. The oceans were still breathtaking.

Hiccup was sure his heart tripped on itself. Now he literally couldn't breathe. Literally, not metaphorically. There was a weird expression on his face. It looked like despair and extreme guilt befriended with astonishment and joy. He felt overwhelmed and dizzy after being tossed up and down from hell to heaven. He pulled her into a tight embrace, up to his chest, so that he could feel her heartbeat.

'Oh my god Astrid! Thank Thor!' his voice cracked. It was shaking and wheezy. He didn't want to let go of her because he feared that she might disappear into thin air at any moment. She never looked this fragile and...illusory like she never existed but was just a shadow. The other riders were watching Hiccup nervously.

'Hey...you know, I might have...a few broken ribs now...'Astrid teased weakly, trying to make him chuckle.

But he didn't chuckle. Hiccup loosened his embrace immediately. 'I'm sorry I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? what was I thinking? You are bleeding!' He looked absolutely mad and disappointed in himself. He checked Astrid's wound. It was still bleeding but it slowed down, but Hiccup wasn't sure how to feel about it. Now his shirt was damped with her blood, too. And he was sure he didn't feel good about that.

'Come on...I was messing with you. I'm fine...probably...and are you okay...is anyone...'Astrid looked at his tear-stained face and sighed. Astrid lifted her hand and cried out when that same sharp pain shot through her again.

'Astrid! Don't move! You are bleeding like mad!'a breath hitched in Hiccup's throat when he heard the cry. It broke his heart. How could she be fine like this? Plus that 'probably ' ruined the whole 'I'm fine '. She never said 'I'm fine' like that. Hiccup took a deep breath and tried to control his nervousness. It didn't work.

'No...I'm serious...Answer me, Hiccup.' Astrid tried to ignore the pain. She gritted her teeth while reaching for Hiccup's cheek. It got worse.Cold sweat appeared on her forehead. Her breath started to be heavy and raspy.

The whole movement seemed to accelerate the bleeding. Hiccup grabbed her hand and put it on his cheek. Her hand was covered in blood, leaving a scary red handprint on Hiccup's face.

'Everyone is fine. No one is injured except for you.' Hiccup said quickly. His tears were coming up again. It was just as painful to watch her suffering like this. 'Now stop talking. Just rest. You need to save your stream. you'll be okay. I promise.' Hiccup nodded to somebody that didn't exist, feeling necessary to do so just to make somebody he didn't know feel safe.

Astrid sighed in satisfaction. She felt cold and exhausted. What she just did cost all her strength. Now all she wanted to do was sleep. A short nap would do, too. She really couldn't keep her eyes open anymore.

Hiccup felt the hand in his go limp. He looked down in horror and saw Astrid's eyes fluttering shut. Endless fear engulfed him.

'Astrid! Astrid! Don't sleep. Don't fall asleep! Hold on. Just a little longer.'

'But I'm tired...Just some shut-eye...Hiccup, please..' Astrid sounded helpless. She pleaded, turning her head towards Hiccup's chest and trying to bury it there. She heard his strong but sky-rocketing heartbeat. It felt warm and soothing through his shirt and armor.

'No, Astrid! Don't ! Stay with me! Don't go! Look at me! I beg you. Don't fall asleep. Just for me. Okay?' Hiccup was desperate. He was crushed. He looked down at Astrid's face. The color completely drained from her face. It was as pale as the snow in December and covered in cold sweat. He heard loud cracks in his heart. He held her tightly and kissed her forehead.' Don't leave me. Please don't leave me.'

Hiccup had never sounded so scared. His voice was shaking. So was his breath and body. This short ride felt like forever.

Just for me. Okay?

_Hiccup. Hiccup._

Astrid forced her eyelids open. She felt Hiccup's lips on her forehead. It was her pivot. She thought she found her stren gth.

'Alright.'

'Toothless, can you be just a little faster please?'Hiccup swallowed, trying to wash down the tension in his throat with some air. Good, It'll only take a few minutes before we get to the edge. Toothless grunted in concern, going as fast as he could.

Astrid was freezing. The faster wind was doing no good. The cold seemed to creep down to her bones.

Gosh it's so cold. Is there ice forming on me?

She shivered. The consciousness of hers was getting frozen, too. Her eyelids drooped.

Hiccup felt her shivering. He held her tight against his body. Now the only thing he could offer was his body heat.

'Are you alright? Are you cold? Is this helping? Oh no Astrid don't go. Look at me!' He cupped her face with one hand and shouted. Astrid struggled to open her eyes and look at him. They were quickly losing focus. They couldn't keep open for long. She was slipping in and out of her consciousness. And it scared Hiccup to death. He really thought he could be expecting a heart attack.

He kissed her forehead, again and again, trying to keep her anchored. There was something wet on his face. He couldn't tell if it was sweat or tears. His heart was pinched. It hurt, so much.

'Guys, the edge!' Fishlegs squeaked.

The edge was right ahead. They would be arriving in no time.

'Astrid, come on! We're here. We're home! Just hold on. You'll be fine. Don't sleep!' The closer they were to the edge, the more terrified Hiccup become. She was slippery with all the blood and red all over. He clutched her tighter, afraid that she might slip out of his arms any minute.

Toothless slowed down and landed with a soft thud. Hiccup tumbled down and dropped on his knees, with a semi-conscious Astrid in his arms. He set her down on his laps.

'We need to remove the arrow. Fishlegs can you help?' Hiccup panted. The front of him was drenched in blood.

'Of course. Snotlout go get the medicine cabinet under my bed and quick!' Fishlegs turned calm and organized in a second which gave Hiccup a bit of relief.

'I'm on it!' Snotlout ran away.

'Hiccup give me your knife. I need to break the shaft and after that, you pull the rest out from her back.' Fishlegs looked at Hiccup and tried to be as confident as he could.

Hiccup nodded. He handed Fishlegs the knife. His hands started trembling.


	3. Don't go

For this new chapter, there's one thing I need to mention first. I am not a professional or a medical student or anything like that. If there's anything in the story that is scientifically incorrect, please don't laugh. I am trying my best.

Thanks for the review. Thank you for reading my story.

\--

Fishlegs took the knife and started to work. Hiccup watched as he cut the shaft. His palms started to sweat. Fear was bouncing inside him,against his bones, creating a nasty sound in his brain. A mute alarm.

Fishlegs looked at him in concern. 'Hiccup, now pull it out.'

Astrid looked like a piece of crumpled paper. Broken and painful. Her blood was pooling on the ground. Hiccup opened his mouth but suddenly lost his voice. His throat felt dry and weirdly tense. At last, he swallowed and whispered in her ear. 'Astrid. you ready?'

Astrid nodded slightly with her eyes shut. Hiccup helped her up into a sitting position. He turned her towards himself and set her head on his left shoulder so that she could lean on him. He took a deep breath and started slowly pulling the arrow. It was sticky and hard to grasp. He felt Astrid suddenly tense in his arms. Her breath went quick and difficult. He tried to be as gentle as possible but the blood started gushing out every time he pulled. He stopped, defeated. Tears blurred his vision.

'Hiccup just pull it out quickly. She's running out of time!' Fishlegs squealed. He looked like he could faint any second. Snotlout ran over with the cabinet.

Hiccup couldn't control his trembling hands. Even when he found he lost a leg he didn't feel this hopeless. He grabbed the arrow, closed his eyes and pulled. He felt warm blood splashing on his face. Astrid screamed. It got muffled by his armor but still, It tore his heart into thin pieces. His tears were stinging his face but he didn't care. The blood was running down fast now with nothing to stop it. The red pool was getting terrifyingly bigger and bigger. The breath of hers on his neck became shallow. It was light and no longer raspy, but too light to actually be there. He felt her body go limp. He held her face, terribly scared and shouted. 'Astrid! Astrid come on! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...Don't leave me! I'm begging you. Just don't...don't leave me.' He began to sob and tightened his embrace. Astrid didn't stir. She didn't respond. For the first time in his life Hiccup thought his world fell apart. ' Please just take a look at me! I'm still here...don't go...'

'I think she needs stitches!' Fishlegs took the cabinet and rummaged in it. He was throwing the unwanted stuff out like a maniac. He got the needle and threads out and took Astrid from Hiccup's arms. Hiccup sat on his heels, totally exhausted.

_God if you have to take someone just take me. Let her live. Let my Astrid live._

Hiccup held her hands .They were cold. Beautiful as ever, but cold as ice. He checked her pulse. It was feeble but still there. How long could it stay? Hiccup couldn't help thinking about this question even though he refused to.

'Astrid please stay...Please hold on. I still need you.' Hiccup put his forehead on her hands and whispered. His voice was raspy from all the shouting and crying. The birds' song got frozen in the autumn wind and dropped on them, sounding like an elegy for someone they didn't want to think about. Fishlegs was doing his job as fast as he could. He cut her shirt and revealed the wound. He quickly finished the stitches and started wrapping the wound with the bandages. They got soaked by blood when they made contact with the skin. Fishlegs had to keep wrapping until the bleeding finally stopped.

'We're done. It should be good. Now we need to take her to her hut.' He took a look at Hiccup and said.

'So ...so she's alright now, right Fishlegs? She is going to rest and...and she'll be fine?' Hiccup snapped out of his exhaustion and asked breathlessly, searching madly for any sign of affirmation on his face.

'I...I am not sure...This is all that I can do for now. Snotlout will go get Gothi...But now I cant...make any promise. But she is Astrid. She does the best at surviving.' Fishlegs suddenly didn't know how to look at Hiccup's eyes. He didn't have enough courage to see the pain in them which urgently needed to be told that everything was under control, so he decided to stare at his boots instead. Hiccup found all his strength gone. He couldn't even manage to stand up. He tried so hard but his knees kept failing him. His tears left clean lines through the bloody handprint on his cheek.

'I'll take her to her hut. I think you need some rest too.' Fishlegs took Astrid, carefully avoiding Hiccup's eyes.

'No. I...I'll come along.' Hiccup struggled up, still swaying slightly. His eyes were scarily red and puffy.

Fishlegs wanted to say something but eventually just sighed. ' Snotlout, go get Gothi.'

Snotlout nodded, quickly scrambled up Hookfang and took off. Fishlegs climbed on Meatlug. Hiccup got on Toothless and followed. The dragon looked at his rider with his two big green eyes worriedly. He warbled softly, trying to cheer him up. But Hiccup didn't respond like he usually did. They landed in seconds. Fishlegs carried Astrid upstairs and put her in bed. She was crimson all over. The blood on her neck dried and turned into a deep brown color, in sharp contrast to her pale skin. She was just too pale like she could break down to dust right away. Her bangs were wet and stuck on her forehead. It killed Hiccup every time he saw her like this. He got the blankets out and covered her body, trying to make her warm. Fishlegs turned and left, closing the door.

Hiccup took her hands in his, softly blowing her fingers. They were freezing.

'Don't let go, Astrid. I love you. I need you to stay.' He pressed her hand on his cheek and breathed.

_I can't live without you. I don't know how to. Please don't leave me._

_Please don't leave me._

He just sat there, not moving. A tear rolled down his face.

\--

I know, it's such a tiny chapter, but, yeah. This is the right point, a perfect place to stop. So, enjoy... I hope. Even though the story is going ridiculously slow: )


	4. Days and nights

'Ruff and Tuff, I need you to go on a patrol. One rider is down. Snotlout's not here. The edge can't be left unguarded. I'll take care of things here. You two need to take care of everything out there.' Fishlegs said to the twins who were surprisingly looking serious.

'Sure. You can count on us.' Ruffnut climbed on Barf. Tuffnut nodded and the dragon took off. It still felt a bit weird to see them not joking and suddenly looking mature.

No one mentioned Hiccup. Everyone knew what he was going through.

\--

The sun was already down. Hiccup sat beside Astrid's bed, holding her hands and constantly checking her pulse. Every time he checked it, there would be a moment when a fluid axe rushed through his veins, chipping his lungs so he couldn't breathe. And it was gone when he finally felt the life in her body. He was tired. It had been a long day and he really needed some rest. But he couldn't. He didn't dare to. He was afraid her weak pulse would stop when he wasn't paying attention. Afraid that she would disappear the second he closed his eyes. So he just sat there and looked at her, even though how she looked killed him. He had died so many times in a day.

'Hiccup, Gothi's here.' Fishlegs knocked and let himself in, Gothi following him. He was carrying a big wooden chest for her. Gothi gestured him to put it on the table.' I told her what happened. I think she would know what to do.'

Hiccup looked up sharply. He looked almost pathetic covered in Astrid's blood. Despair made his hair a mess. All of a sudden he looked so small and, easily broken. He stood up and made room for Gothi. She looked at him sadly before turned to look at Astrid's wound. Her face grew solemn. A frown appeared. Hiccup held on to the small table beside the bed like a drowning person held onto the rope offered to him, so hard that his knuckles turned white. He needed something to keep him standing. He really couldn't take any bad news anymore. It was just too much. He breathed heavily, strange patterns moving in his vision. They were shining a tragic light. His hope. Gothi looked around the room, only to find there was no sand to scribble on. She sighed and grabbed some charcoal and started scribbling on a piece of paper. Fishlegs approached and translated.

'She said it's not an easy case...and she isn't sure...if Astrid will make it. It's out of her hand...But she can leave us some herbs to for Astrid when she wakes up.' Fishlegs' the voice got quieter and quieter. Something whacked Hiccup's knees. The light disappeared. He collapsed back onto the chair. He couldn't feel himself. His heart was bleeding. The pain numbed him. Gothi looked really sad. She walked towards the chest, took out a few herbs and handed them to Fishlegs. She approached Hiccup and patted his shoulder, then gestured Fishlegs to leave with her.

When the door was closed, Hiccup buried his face in his hands. The world had gone dark. And it felt like forever. His world grew withered like a rose on a graveyard. This must be what hell felt like. He cried silently, his body shaking.

_Thor, why don't you kill me? Why didn't you let me take the arrow and die?_

_Astrid, please._

After how long he didn't know, Hiccup couldn't feel any tears anymore. He didn't have any. It had run out. It must already be night. The room was dark. Without the stinging feeling on his cheeks, there was nothing to distract him from his heartache. It hurt him so bad. It was gradually disintegrating him from the inside. He had to curl up to make it less painful.

'Hiccup?' Fishlegs quietly pushed the door open and came in.' Do you need something to eat? Or anything else I can get you?'

'No, thank you Fishlegs.' Hiccup didn't turn his eyes away from Astrid.' I'm good.'

He didn't sound good at all. Fishlegs lit the candle and walked beside him.' Let me stay here. I'll take care of her. You really need to get some sleep.'

Hiccup didn't move. Finally, he said,'' But how am I going to sleep? This is all my fault.I'm supposed to be the one on this bed, not Astrid. I can't leave her like this.'

'I know. I know you can't. But this is not your fault. It's not anyone's fault.' Fishlegs put a hand on his shoulder.' Don't blame yourself.'

'I...I just can't help it. If I had noticed her coming or the arrow, none of this would've happened.' Hiccup nearly screamed the words out.'It's my fault.'

Fishlegs looked at him and sighed.' At least have some water?' He went to the table and poured some water for Hiccup.

Hiccup nodded and took the cup. His throat was tight. Some water might make it better.

'I'll stay here with you.' Fishlegs seemed really worried so he offered.

'Don't worry about me. But thanks for asking.' Hiccup looked up at him. The redness in his eyes was embedded there, mixed with the endless heartache. Fishlegs hesitated but agreed at last. He left Hiccup alone, hoping some space could make him feel better.

\--

'Is she okay?' Ruffnut asked when Fishlegs walked gloomily into the clubhouse.

'I don't know. Even Gothi can't be sure of it.' Fishlegs sounded defeated.

'Is Hiccup okay?' Snotlout asked. He changed his worried tone to an irritated one the instant he realized it, trying to hide the fact that he actually worried about his friend.'...well, I mean... I'm still expecting him to save my butt someday. He's pretty useful if you ask me.'

'Of course not. He didn't eat, didn't sleep and didn't agree to come out. All he agreed to do was to have some water.' Fishlegs shook his head.' It's Astrid, Snotlout.'

'I know, I know.' Snotlout rolled his eyes,' he better not commit suicide that way. That one-legged fishbone.'

Then no one talked. The air pressure was too low for them to breathe. The edge had never been so silent.

\--

It had already been two days. Hiccup never even stepped out of Astrid's hut. Toothless had been staying out on the wood deck, not wanting to leave his rider either. He sat beside her bed, not going anywhere. He hadn't shut his eyes for a second. The exhaustion was catching up on him. He looked no better than her. Hiccup was pale, absolutely pale. And with the dark circles under his eyes, he looked almost like a homeless raccoon. His redder eyes became even more terrifying. It probably would form an illusion in anyone's brain that there was blood filling up his eyes, but he continued sitting there, holding her hands, checking her pulse and looking at her face.

Astrid was still breathing. But her breathing was still shallow and unsteady. From time to time it would appear that she obviously had trouble breathing. And sometimes the difficult rise and fall of her chest would stop. Hiccup was terrified every time it stopped. He would jump up the chair, ignoring the dull pain in his stump due to long-time wearing of his peg leg and shouted for Fishlegs. After what Gothi said, Fishlegs had nothing in mind to do, either. He looked really scared but told Hiccup that there was nothing he or Gothi could do and still carefully avoided his eyes. The enormous agony in Hiccup's eyes stung his as well. And it made his brain blank. He couldn't think of anything to help. He could hear Hiccup fall down on his knees and shouting loudly for Astrid to hear, to breathe, to live. His voice was cracked and raspy. He was so desperate that he even began blowing in her mouth. That was something he saw at a young age when people tried to rescue someone that stopped breathing. He just never thought he would have to use the method someday. He should press her chest, too. But the wound was too serious to take it. He just repeated what he was doing and continued shouting her name. Fishlegs felt guilty. All he could do was silently walk over to the table, pour some water for his friend and tell him he's so sorry. Hiccup didn't dare to take his eyes off her. Hope and fear tore his heart open again and again. It kept bleeding and bleeding. Hiccup always wondered when the constant bleeding could send him to Valhalla too. The colorless blood was back. It streamed out of his eyes, down his face to where his heart was and hurt it badly. Then Fishlegs would leave. And the shouting and blowing air would always, somehow, make Astrid start breathing after some time. The toxic gas in his lungs would go away and he would sit back on his heels breathlessly feeling relieved. Hiccup didn't know why or how. He didn't care. All he knew was his Astrid was breathing again. And he was willing to take the roller coaster again and again even if it cost every last of his strength.

It was probably a miracle. He thought. But too many and too good to be true.

_See, Astrid, Valhalla doesn't want you there. So don't you go...Please._

When it was the middle of the night, Hiccup lit a candle and decided to check her pulse again. There was sweat on her forehead and her face looked red, in an unnatural way. A bad feeling crept into the back of his mind. When he touched her skin, a burning sensation caught his hand. He got startled and felt her forehead. It was burning, too. She was warm and her lips were parched. She had a fever.

Hiccup wanted to call for Toothless to fetch Fishlegs, but only the sound of air came out every time he opened his mouth. His throat was too dry. He tried a few times before he finally heard his voice. It didn't even sound like his anymore.

'Toothless, get Fishlegs. Now!'Toothless jumped out of his sleep, understood what happened in a second. He grunted in shock and quickly took off. Hiccup turned to Astrid.

'Come on Astrid.' He caressed her face with his thumb and mumbled.'Don't scare me.'

Fishlegs ran in and panted, looking slightly disoriented being woken up at midnight .' What...what happened? Is she...okay?'

'She's having a high fever. I need your help, Fishlegs.' Hiccup talked too fast to be understood by humans.' I need some cold water and some towels.'

Fishlegs took a few deep breaths before he fully took in the words. He ran out and came back shortly afterward with a bucket of water and two clean towels. Hiccup dipped them into the cold water and wrung them out. He carefully put one on her forehead.

'I'm sorry to wake you up.I...I panicked.' Hiccup said to Fishlegs, his voice too raspy to be recognized.' i don't know what to do.'

For the first time in these three days Fishlegs finally was able to look into his eyes and talk. 'Don't be. I understand. Don't apologize. She is our friend. you too.'

'Thanks.' Hiccup lowered his gaze and asked.' What do I do now?'

'I have some herbs for fever in my hut, but I don't think she's able to take the medicine.' Fishlegs lowered his gaze as well.' So I guess we'll just wait, and hope for the best.'

He could even see the disappointment of Hiccup fill the place. It dimmed the hut, suffocating the struggling candle. He heard Hiccup's breaths tremble. But Hiccup didn't say anything. They fell into silence, letting the night wrap up their broken hopes. For the next few hours, he and Hiccup took turns changing the towel. Hiccup kept talking to Astrid, asking her to keep fighting. When the sun came up, Hiccup finally found Astrid was feeling less warm. She wasn't burning. She was still warm but getting better. When the birds on the island started to sing happily in a chorus, they were relieved that Astrid's temperature was back to normal. Fishlegs sighed in relief and yawned.' Thank Thor!'

'Thank you, for your help.' Hiccup turned to him.' I think she's fine now. You can still get some rest before the others are up.'

'No, I think I'm okay. You're the one who needs some rest.' Fishlegs said.' Seriously, you need to sleep. You've been up for like, three days. Why don't you go and leave her with me? She'll be fine with me.'

Hiccup shook his head firmly.' I trust you, Fishlegs. But I just can't leave her. Do you know that feeling? Like, you never know what is gonna happen. She is at a place between life and death and I just, don't know which way she was going. So many things could go wrong and she'll probably be gone when I'm not looking. And, and the worst thing is I didn't protect her well. You know how many times I swore to myself that I would do anything to keep her safe, to give whatever it takes to protect her? I'm willing to die if it means she's safe. I didn't do as I promised myself. How on earth am I going to fall asleep?' He buried his face in his hands.' I will never forgive myself.'

Fishlegs suddenly lost all the words he was going to say. He just sat there with Hiccup, not making a sound.

After a long time he said.'Are you hungry?'You haven't eaten for days. You need to eat.'

'I...I don't feel like it right now.I'm not hungry.' Hiccup looked up, but quickly added, not wanting to disappoint his friend.' Just some water. It would be nice.'

Fishlegs looked worried but gave in. He gave him the water and left. It was his shift of patrol this morning.

After the fever, Astrid was looking paler but her breathing was finally getting steady. It was not deep but at least it wasn't at risk of stopping occasionally. That made Hiccup feel a lot better. He could sit there and watch her, knowing she was alive. Now he was available, the pain on his left leg was madly seeking attention. He had been on the peg leg for so long and the pain was building up. When he put weight on it, he felt a blade cutting his skins, sending fire up his spines to his head. He ignored it. Astrid was his priority.

He picked up a towel and gently cleaned the bloodstain on Astrid's skin. It didn't look good on her. He wiped it off as carefully as possible like he was trying to keep the dust off the most valuable thing in his house. She was finally doing okay and he didn't want to hurt her or break her. How strange it was for her to look fragile. He bent to look at her face. She was sleeping peacefully. The freckles still looked lovely on her cheekbones. The color drained from her lips. They were usually in a beautiful shade of roseate that always had him feel dizzy and need to restrain himself from leaning down and kissing her as if it was the only right thing to do. She was now as light and surreal as a floating soul. He caressed her cheek. He leaned down and closed his eyes, kissing her long and deep. He opened his eyes to find them already moist. Then he drew a deep breath and put the towel back into the bucket.

He didn't remember he was covered in dried blood, too. It stuck on his clothes, his armor and his pants like a curse claiming it was going to haunt him forever. He didn't bother to take a look at himself. He rapidly grew thinner and thinner these days but he just didn't care. It was more like he couldn't feel it. He started to not be able to feel hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. He was just tired, in an apprehensive way

Every minute was like a thousand years. After an eternity, he was still at the same place watching Astrid sleep, trying hard to ignore the searing pain in his leg.

_It probably has a lot of abrasions. Or the metal piece jutted out again into my leg. It's not like it never happened before._ He didn't want to check.

_Let it be. I don't care._

The sun was setting. He could see the warm orange glow peeking through the door, splashing on the floor. It reminded him of the day he took Astrid on her first ride on Toothless and the day he gave her the pendant when later at sunset she surprised him by telling him she had been having a big crush on him since they were eight. He smiled when he reminisced the way she blushed and her eyes shone when she told him how special he was and how different he had been to catch her eyes.

_Seriously, do I look like one of those girls who would fall head over heels for some guy after just a one-hour ride? Come on, that was because I always like you. Who would notice someone's every move and weird behavior if they don't have feelings for that person? _He remembered every word she said. _You stood out to me. They just couldn't see how different and amazing you were at that time. But I know everything. You are one in a million. _

He was so flattered that he grinned like an idiot, lost the ability to speak and just tried to fully digest the fact that they both had loved each other for so long, and most importantly _she_ had been loving him so long and he didn't know. She hid it so well, under her coolest pride and hard shell, just like she hid everything else. Just like she hid herself from his sight to block the arrow for him. The pain fell hard on his heart again. He screwed up his face and bit his lips to not let his pained cry escape.

Someone knocked. 'Uh...Hiccup? You there? Can...can I come in?' It was Tuffnut.

'Sure, Tuffnut.' Hiccup breathed.

Tuffnut came in. Hiccup didn't know how Tuffnut heard him. Maybe he didn't.

'Well, hi, H.' Tuffnut looked really unsure of himself.' I don't know if you noticed, but it's evening...and do you..uh..want to...I brought you some stew. Ruffnut cooked tonight and it's not disgusting at all. You should try it.' He put the bowl down on the table.

'Thank you, Tuff.' Hiccup turned to Tuffnut who was nervously playing with his own fingers

Suddenly Tuffnut jumped up, his eyes wide.' Oh oh oh I haven't seen Astrid for days. Boy, do I miss her! Is she doing okay? I heard Fishlegs say she's doing okay so she must be doing okay. I'm so worried...no I mean I was worried heh...wait but now I'm still worried but she's definitely gonna be fine, correct?' He suddenly sounded a little uncertain and scared but quickly shook it off, trying to make them both feel better. He was getting nervous and apparently couldn't stop blabbering.' Of course she is! Come on she's Astrid. When is she not fine?... I can't wait to spend some quality time with my best girlfriend-no no no I mean girl-friend not girlfriend don't take this the wrong way...How about right now? I really want to stay here with you and your dinner. Come on, it's gonna be fun! Thor, I'm sorry it's not fun watching her like this but she's definitely gonna be fine I promise...' He was totally out of breath when he finished the long speech that he prepared for an afternoon but still inevitably ruined.' And I also promise you'll like your dinner.' He put stress on dinner twice to try to get him to eat.

Hiccup didn't have the appetite but still listened to him until he finished. Then he smiled bitterly.' I appreciate it, Tuff. I know you guys are worried but I'm fine. Astrid is the one you need to worry about.' He saw Tuffnut was deflated so he said.' You can stay, of course. You are a great friend and I'll try the stew when I'm hungry.' Tuffnut's eyes lit up.' Thank you.'

'Well, it's nothing, really...'Tuffnut laughed awkwardly.' It's not a big deal. Ruffnut did most of the work.

Tuffnut grabbed a chair and sat beside him. He took a look at Astrid and was startled. It was also beyond his imagination to see her as sere and fragile as this. So He turned his eyes to Hiccup.

'Have you considered taking a bath?' He asked tentatively.' You...don't really look good. It looks like you're wearing a sweater made of dried blood.'

'I'll do it later. Right now I'm worried about her.' Hiccup fixed his eyes on her thin figure in the bed.

Tuffnut became nervous again.' Okeydokey...it's just a suggestion. Don't mind me.'

Hiccup smiled.' Thank you. You guys have been doing a lot for me and Astrid. I really don't know what to say.'

Tuffnut seemed flattered.' I said it's nothing. You don't need to thank us for this. We got your back, H.'

The Stars were shining outside. The broken pieces of the starlight danced in the hut around the bed, making Astrid look like Freya. She was probably going to get up and fly to the place where Auroras live and never come back. A lightning bolt of fear crackled in Hiccup when the thought flashed through his mind. He reached out and held her hands in his, afraid that she really was going to leave. Tuffnut was dozing in a chair beside him. Hiccup wanted to stand up and sit on the edge of the bed so he could see Astrid's face more clearly. A sharp pain burnt his stump when he tried to stand. A yelp escaped before he realized. He fell forward but caught himself in time at the edge of the bed to avoid hurting Astrid. He held onto the edge and panted. The flames of the pain weren't fully distinguished. They caused the darkness in the room to spin. Hiccup blinked hard to get rid of the weird feeling of instability before he stood up, putting his weight more on his other leg.

'Are you okay? Is anything wrong?' the sounds had woken up Tuffnut. He was looking confused and worried.

'I'm alright. Don't worry.' Hiccup replied in a weak voice. His face was pale.

'But I heard you. You, uh, you okay?' Tuffnut didn't buy it. He studied him suspiciously.' Oh my Thor, there's blood on your peg leg! Oh my! Is your leg okay?"He panicked when he spotted the red shiny thing dripping from the prosthetic.' Oh no, I don't think you're fine. This is bad this is bad! You got injured and you didn't tell us? It's been four-five days and you haven't told us? I'm gonna get Fishlegs here. You wait,now--'

'Tuff I'm okay. Really. I wasn't injured. The metal piece of the prosthetic went askew again. It happens all the time. Relax. I'm fine.' Hiccup's voice was barely audible.' Don't wake him up. He was up all night last night. Let him sleep.'

'But there's blood! That doesn't happen all the time! Seriously, H,you--'Tiffnut stopped when he saw Hiccup began to take deep breaths with his eyes shut. Now he really was scared.' You okay? You...' He looked awful. He didn't even look like a living person. But at last, he opened his eyes.'Yes, Tuffnut. Yes'

'You can, you know, sit down. That'll make you feel better.' Tuffnut added.' You sure you don't need anything?'

'No, I'm good.' Hiccup sat down on the edge, tucking Astrid's bangs behind her ears. _Thank God she's still here._

Tuffnut fell into silence, looking from Hiccup to Astrid. He sat back into his chair.

'Tuffnut you can go back to your hut and sleep. You don't have to stay here with me.' Hiccup said when he noticed Tuffnut was nodding off.

'Don't you need help here? I don't really want to sleep in the hut anyway. My sister snores.' Tuffnut obviously was lying. He always slept like a baby. He wouldn't mind that.

But Hiccup laughed. He knew what he was thinking.' No, Tuff, I'm fine.Go.' he saw Tuffnut's uncertain face and smiled.' Go on.'

Tuffnut thought for a moment, rubbed his eyes, yawned and left.' If you need anything, I'm-'he yawned again awake. She's a real snorer.' He sounded like he was already asleep. He closed the door.

Hiccup's smile was killed by the darkness. He limped towards the table and lit a candle. He limped back and sat on her bed. The starlight was engulfed in the candlelight. She looked better. She was breathing calmly. She was less pale than earlier. Hiccup wasn't sure if it was the candlelight or just her really getting better because an extremely light shade of pink came back to her cheeks and lips. Hiccup felt better, a lot better now, about Astrid. He thanked all the gods he could think of. He sat there, almost feeling secure for the first time in these days. But he still wasn't sure of it. He didn't want to relax. The insecurities in his heart refused to let him relax. He had no idea what was waiting ahead. It was a good feeling with 100% uncertainties. He couldn't let his guards down, not yet. But at least she was in stable condition now. He took the bowl of stew on the table. It was already cold. He thought he needed to eat now, not because he was hungry, but because he was half relieved about Astrid. She probably could wake up. Not today. But she probably would. It could happen. She was going to need him at that time. He needed to be there for her, and not the other way round. Tuffnut was right. It wasn't bad.

The sun was up again. Hiccup pressed his lips against her hand.

_I hope you get well. I really do. Please. Just for me._

\--

'We asked you to get him to sleep or eat and you made sure neither happened?' Snotlout glared at Tuffnut.' You had a good night's sleep, huh?'

'He said he would eat when he wanted to. He said that he didn't need me and I could go to bed. And I did what he said.' Obviously, Tuffnut wasn't convincing himself. He was trailing off sheepishly.

''Oh in that case...AND YOU BOUGHT IT??!' Snotlout was furious. He looked like an overinflated balloon that was going to explode.

'Alright, I'm sorry.' Tuffnut mumbled.' I was too sleepy. And since when does he do what you ask him to do?'

Snotlout sighed.' Good point. That crazy maniac.' He quickly returned to his furious state in a second.' Geez, you're a waste of time. I'm gonna go and get that dude to sleep and eat.'

He stomped towards Astrid's hut and shoved the door open, Tuffnut following him guiltily.' I'm serious, Hiccup. You need to stop this. I've had enough. Whether you like it or not, I'm...'

'Hey, you did eat the stew!'Tuffnut shouted excitedly. Snotlout saw the empty bowl.' How was it? Please don't say it's disgusting. I know Ruffnut messes up all the time but this is actually not horrible.'

Hiccup smiled.' It was great. Thank you, Tuffnut.'

Tuffnut grinned triumphantly.' See, he ate. I didn't do nothing. Mission half accomplished.' He said the words in a really dramatic tone.

''Okay, so he ate. So what?' Snotlout rolled his eyes.' Did the raccoon sleep?'

'I'm fine, Snotlout.' Hiccup said slowly and patiently like these people just couldn't understand this simple fact.' You don't need to worry.' He stood up and grimaced, staying still for a while. Those strange patterns were back again. They kept changing their forms and colors. A weird red light danced around in his vision. Then it turned purple, then white, then yellow and green. He blinked hard a few times but they didn't go away like they did last time. The room started to spin.

'Gods look at you! And you told me to not worry!' Snotlout ran up to him and held his shoulders.' Have you any idea how you look? You sound weird, too. And Thor is that blood on your peg leg! You need to clean yourself, and...do something with your leg and, and go to sleep. i'm starting to wonder if you're suffering a brain damage too!'

Hiccup tried to look at him but these patterns wouldn't let him focus.' I know. But not now...She 's just starting to get better.I...have to be here. I had...my meal, okay? Let me stay.' He wanted to walk it off but when he stepped forward, a tearing pain shot through his leg, leaving countless small hot daggers in his body. He cried out in pain and slumped forward. Snotlout caught him in time.

'This is enough, Hiccup! You have to rest. Tuffnut you go and find Fishlegs. He's probably on a patrol with your sister. Take Hookfang.' he snapped.' For you, buddy, come with me!'

'Come on, Snotlout.' Hiccup grabbed Snotlout's arm and tried to steady himself.' I'm not going to let myself die...she needs me. I just want to be...here for her. It's just my leg not...a big deal. I can't sleep when she's...still in this condition.' He panted, his face covered in cold sweat. He regained his balance and started walking to the table. He was starting to be thirsty. And he needed something to prove that he was fine. The world was spinning fast. The floor was slanting. The shiny monsters in his vision grew crazy. They were dancing non-stop. The pain in his leg was chewing him into dust. He gritted his teeth, taking a step. Then the world went dark. Everything went dark and quiet.

His friends watched in horror as he collapsed on the floor.


	5. I miss you

Hiccup blinked. The sudden sunlight in his sight hurt his eyes. He grimaced and tried to prop himself up on his elbows. They miserably failed him. He felt super thirsty and tired, falling back down on the bed.

A violent feeling was storming in the back of his mind.

_What's that? What is it?_

A thin figure surrounded by whirling wind floated through his mind.

_Astrid_!

He sat up immediately and held tightly onto the edge of his bed. His head was pounding in pain, trying to pull him into oblivion, but he managed to ignore all this mess and focus.

_Why am i here? Did i fall asleep?_

He tried to rummage through his brain, but the only thing he could recall was Snotlout and Tuffnut came in Astrid's hut and tried to talk him out of staying there. Then everything was black.

it exhausted him just trying to figure out what happened. He shook his head in order to shake the dizziness off. It made his headache worse.

_Wait...Astrid. How is she? How..Astrid!_

Fear just wouldn't let him go. He threw off the blanket, jumped out of his bed, lost his balance and fell. A sudden pain made him yelp. He looked down at his legs. His prosthetic was gone, His stump was bandaged, with some faint bloodstain on it. Now he remembered what happened. Toothless rushed out of nowhere. He desperately tried to get Hiccup up when he saw Hiccup on the floor, who was obviously in pain.

"Nice to see you again, bud." Hiccup breathed. Toothless looked concerened. He cooed softly and offered Hiccup his nose for support.

He scrambled up on one leg and spot his prosthetic on the table. The wood-and-metal peg leg covered with dried blood wasn't really a good sight. He jumped over and grabbed it. He put it on and stood up on both legs. The sharp pain made him gasp. Toothless whimpered in fear. He seemed like he might cry, but it wasn't the right time for Hiccup to care about that. He patted the dragon's head and limped towards the door, doing his best not to fall.

He pushed open the door. The sun was already setting. He couldn't remember when was the last time he was in Astrid's hut. it felt weird, like...he'd been living outside this world for ten thousand years and now he was back everything left him behind. Hiccup got impatient, almost fearfully so, in a blank and confused way.

He limped towards Astrid's hut, having to use Toothless's nose all the way down. His prosthetic seemed to be cutting his stump open while bumping on these uneven wood planks. He was already sweating just to move to the hut right beside his own.

Toothless steadied his rider, then pushed the door with his head. It was completely dark outside. The stars were shining bright above him,somewhere in Asgard. Everybody was in Astrid's hut and pretty startled to see Hiccup standing at the door,looking pale and sweaty.

"Hiccup!" Fishlegs squeaked, "you're here! You're awake! You-"

"Jesus, Hiccup!" Snotlout barked, "You are supposed to stay in your bed! God! ! How many times do I have to tell you you are in no condition to do anything! You never listen! NEVER! I mean look at you-"

"I'm feeling a lot better, Snotlout. Thank you." Hiccup tried to smile, "You're exaggerating a little bit." He limped towards Astrid's bed with Fishleg's help, panting in pain as he went. He desperately tried to take a look at Astrid's face. That strong fear in the back of his mind was crushing him.He had to see her.

The twins patted Snotlout's back and sighed. "You know him."

"Yeah, exaggerating, " Snotlout crossed his arms and mumbled furiously, "look at him, and I am exaggerating."

Astrid was breathing peacefully. The colors were getting back. But her lips were still pale. Anyway she was still here, with him. She was not gone. She was not leaving him. And her rosy cheeks looked as beautiful as ever. Hiccup felt much more secure. Ten minutes ago he was afraid that she would crumble into a million pieces and disappear with the wind. Because it felt like forever, since the last time he was actually conscious in this world. He was so scared, that now he finally woke up and everything was gone, including Astrid, especially Astrid. Then he might as well be dead, too. He really couldn't imagine living without her in his life. He closed his eyes and exhaled.

"She's doing okay, captain." Tuffnut tried to lighten up his mood, "Don't worry. We won't let her die, just in case you'd kill us after you wake up."

Hiccup took Astrid's hand and covered it in both of his. He turned to face the rest of the team, "Thank you, so much, for everything ."

Fishlegs looked slightly abashed. "You'd do the same for all of us."

"And you're our friend, even though you're stubborn and obnoxious and never listen to what people say." Snotlout added uncomfortably, "Now that you decide not to kill us, would you please get back to where you're supposed to be and not kill yourself or make me kill you!!"

"You know, H. He's actually right. You hadn't slept at all before you passed out. Now even Astrid looks more alive than you." Tuffnut nodded at Astrid, "No offense."

"Um...h-how long have I been out?" Hiccup asked.

"Four days, " said Fishlegs.

"Well, quite enough." Hiccup turned back to Astrid.

"Uh, no, actually it's not." Ruffnut started strolling with her hands on her back, "Hey, Tuff, remember that time Snotty someone got his noggin struck by the lightning and passed out for a day? He was up the second day but still stayed in his bed not doing anything for a week _just to rest. _Oh except for the time to eat!"

"Yeah, and it was not fun at all doing his shifts every day. Not even close!"

"Hey! I was struck by lightning! Which one of you two ever got that?" Snotlout shouted.

"Guys, guys, I'm alright, okay?" Hiccup tried to raise his voice. "You've already done so much for me. It's late. Why don't you all go back to your huts?

I'll stay with her."

Fishlegs hesitated. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Seriously, I'm not lying." Hiccup reassured him, "It's been a long day for you all. I'm just up. I've got this. You guys go."

They didn't really believe him. Hiccup could tell. They studied his face for a moment. But it was a long day. The edge still needed to go on without a great teammate and a leader. And they really were exhausted having worked extra hard all day. Finally, they silently agreed to leave, and give them some space.

"If you need help, just send Toothless." Fishlegs said before he stepped out of the hut.

"Sure." Hiccup smiled. "Thanks."

Everyone yawned and left. Hiccup turned back to Astrid, gazing at her face. She was sleeping. Her breathing was the best sound in the entire world. He gently touched her cheeks and kissed her. Her lips were cool and soft. They smelled like marigold.

"Get better soon, " Hiccup whispered in her ears." I miss you."

\--

I hope you enjoy!:) It's been months since the last update. Sorry about that. College is insane. I just never got time to sit down and think about the story. I worked around the clock, people! I'm really sorry to keep you waiting. So thank you for all your comments. They mean so much to me! If there's still someone waiting for the update, I hope you enjoy!:)


	6. Hope

Hiccup didn't sleep last night. It was like some sort of jet lag. He wasn't tired at all after his insanely long rest which he couldn't get himself to believe. He sat beside his girl and just watched her sleep. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. It was almost like Hiccup's own leisure time that happened like, well, never.

He had been working himself to the bone these days. Battles, training, patrols, plans that kept him up late into the night—these are his everyday routine. Though Astrid was always beside him he never really had enough alone time with her. They always had to squeeze their life so hard just to shrink it as much as possible and somehow managed to sneak a date into the rest of the schedule. It was exhausting but they didn't care. All the 'cute little moments' that sprinkled their life were always there to warm them. They would sneak a look at each other or secretly hold hands and somehow that could make themselves truly happy. The thought that he and she being there for each other and knowing each other so well would never get less sweet. They knew it and enjoyed it. But they wanted to know each other more. They wanted some space that could only contain the two of them so they could both let their guards down. And now, finally, some alone time! But it was not what Hiccup had in mind. He sighed and his gaze turned sad. They never regretted any of their decisions on fighting the evil. This time she got lucky, yet it made Hiccup feel that he was the one that got really lucky. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if Astrid didn't make it. He was pretty sure he was going to resent himself for the rest of his life if that was the case.

Right now, with everything piling up into a complicated mess in his head, he just couldn't help but blame himself. He felt like he owed her so much. He should protect her. It was just what he did. But he failed this time. Astrid was one in a million. She understood him so well. She could see through his soul and silently look at his fears and would hug him tight whenever he needed it. He loved her with his life. Hiccup knew she wasn't as fearless as everyone else thought she was. He always did, even from when they were little kids. He would look at her quietly and sense her loneliness. Even though she would act so cold and cruel on the outside he just knew there were a lot of times when she was absolutely scared. She was lonely and thought too much. When she was scared, she would spend so much time being alone and acting emotionless just to hide it. But she couldn't fool Hiccup, because she would ball her hands into fists and look colder than ever every time. No one else noticed that. Everybody would think that was just how she was. She just did that out of subconsciousness just to make herself feel better so she could succeed in forcing herself to face the hell. It made his heart ache, seeing her so invincible but fragile. She needed someone to fall back on though she never said it. She would carry everything on her own shoulders. Hiccup wanted to be her shield, to protect her, to help her with things. To stop every boulder and arrow coming her way. He knew the answer would be this was an accident if he asked anyone but he couldn't force himself to think that way. It just seemed like his fault to himself. She'd already born so much weight from everything. Astrid deserved all the love the world could offer. Hiccup knew she hated being specially cared for in front of people so he secretly did it, hid it from the others, just trying to make whatever that was making her life hard become less. It was his job to wrap his arms around her and shield her from harm. And he still failed, miserably.

Everyone should be asleep by now. It was getting really quiet into midnight. The wind whispered now and then. The warm, amber-like light fluctuated, as if with a soothing sound. There was almost this indescribable magical atmosphere. It formed a cocoon around Astrid. It was like she was glowing. She looked so much better after these days. Hiccup was a little cheered up now. It felt safer now to just sit here, take a breath, and not kill himself with guilt or worry.

_Thank you, whoever is up there, for letting her stay with me. _

A gentle and mysterious voice in Hiccup's head started to talk. **You'll be fine. Both of you.**

And there came another voice. **Fear not, young Hiccup.**

_Okay, that sounds like Tuff._

And another voice—**Yeah. Relax, dude. I was kidding, man. She would never ditch you. **

_Alright. Here goes Snotlout. _

Hiccup couldn't hold back his smile--_hey, did I just somehow amuse myself? _He shook his head. His friends had done so much for him lately. If not for them, Hiccup wouldn't have known what to do or how to deal with all this. Well, except for Fishlegs, they usually could be pretty whacky and unreliable. But Hiccup felt so grateful that they had all been there for him.

Hiccup held Astrid's hand in his. It was a little cold out in the night air. He rubbed her hand in his gently and decided to tuck her arms inside the covers. All of a sudden he became timid when he tried to lift her right arm because he could still spot the faint red bloodstain coming out of layers of bandages. There was a foreseen panic attack. One blink and the avalanche crashed in. His heart which was just fine seconds ago began pounding fast. That burning sensation of being out of breath came back. He sat down, too afraid to move. He thought he'd never done anything quite as risky as the decision to put her arms inside the covers to keep her warm. Well, recently whatever he had done all seemed pretty risky. He kind of believed he would hurt her and ruin everything. He raced with the Grim Reaper to get her to stay and now he didn't have the guts to risk it. Even for the slightest. He sat there, feeling pretty disappointed and angry at himself. So finally, he just got up, took a clean shirt out of the wooden chest and carefully covered Astrid's right arm and shoulder with it. Content with what he did, he sat down again to wait for his panic to fade.

Astrid's face looked peaceful. Her breathing was calm and even. Hiccup felt safe just listening to it, knowing she wasn't going anywhere and that he was not alone. They were a team, a great one.

**Hey, I still have you. **That was what Astrid once said to him. He remembered it. **That's the Hiccup I know.** Everything she said started coming back to him.

**Why didn't you?**

**That, was for kidnapping me.**

**I was talking to Toothless.**

**Guys, you heard the acting chief.**

**What took you so long?**

**I don't think so. I'm coming with you.**

**Come on, Hiccup.**

……

Everything came back to him. Her smile, her voice, her eyes, her playful jokes, everything about her. And it made him miss her more. He wanted to hear her talk to him so bad.

Hiccup was a little surprised to notice the grayish shimmering light through the door. He wasn't paying attention to the time. He didn't realize that he had been sitting there for that long until now. The dawn was breaking. _A new day. _For some reason that pumped a little hope into Hiccup's heart. He looked at Astrid's face hopefully, like she was going to open her eyes and hug him the next second. And almost immediately he got slightly disappointed by the fact he clearly knew that she wasn't. He sighed and kissed her temple. Now he needed his pivot. _I'm always going to be here for you._

There were footsteps outside. "Morning, Hiccup." Fishlegs knocked.

"Morning, Fishlegs." Hiccup replied." Can I help you?" The clear flowing sunlight was leaking into the hut with the cool morning breeze. A _scent of hope._

The wooden door creaked. "No, uh, actually I'm wondering if you would want something to eat." Fishlegs was holding a plate. " Since you haven't eaten for days. We figured you need to."

Fishlegs was actually expecting him to kindly tell him to put it on the table and that he wasn't hungry, but he didn't. Hiccup turned his head and smiled." Thank you. That's exactly what I need."

It kinda threw Fishlegs off the spot and for a second or two he just stared at his friend. _Okay that was easier than I thought._

"Anything wrong?" Hiccup laughed. He grabbed the headboard and stood up, supporting his weight with his good leg. His prosthetic stung his leg. Fishlegs' face flashed a worried look, then quickly shook his head. "No no no. Nothing's wrong. It's just, I'm glad you're okay."

"I can't thank you guys enough. You've been doing so much for Astrid and me." Hiccup looked at his friend sincerely. "And the edge. I'm sorry I needed you guys to take my shifts of patrol. I really couldn't stand the idea of leaving her here."

"And you really don't need to mention it. Really. We are happy to help. You always have our back when we're in trouble. You would even put your own life on the line for us. What we did is the least friends could do." Fishlegs added." And we know how much Astrid means to you." Fishlegs handed him the plate. " I'm just gonna go and if you need help, feel free to ask."

Hiccup smiled and nodded. It was toast and some yak butter for breakfast. A new day to start.

\--

By the way, shout out to @hiccstrid4ever. Thank you for your advice. It's such a big help.


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